oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your cock deserves a montage
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
