remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
