I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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