I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
3 2 1 whiskey
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
