Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
