so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
