You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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