The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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