Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
