You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
3 2 1 whiskey
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
