half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
