At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
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Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.