Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
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High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV