Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.