you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.