i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That's how pantless uber rides happen