I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
