I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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