i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
