this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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