The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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