I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
