I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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