i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
