the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
