I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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