At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
