Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
