Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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