Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize