i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
