we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
