I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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