I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
