Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
