Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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