A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
