i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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