I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My vagina just recognized that song.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
