I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
