Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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