her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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