her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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