my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
smell my finger.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
