I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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