Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
