I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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