The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
