i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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