Buhtt sex?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
