she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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