I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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