Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize