she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
