That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
