So drunk its hurt
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
