yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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