is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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