you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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