the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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