Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
