He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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