I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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