One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
