well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I've blown a few things in my day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
