the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
