The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What drink are we having for lunch?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
