god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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