I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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