Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
