I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
