Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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