But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
