You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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