So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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