He kissed a someone with a penis
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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