Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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