Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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