She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
