Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
