At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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