I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
