You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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